Nebraska Football 2025 Season Prediction: The RZB Profizer’s Official Prophecy

We’ve successfully traversed the sporting desert that is the summer. There was sweat. There were tears. There was blood. And that was just my time on the porcelain throne this morning. But I have emerged renewed. Fresh off a Matt Rhule-aid waterboarding and full of nothing but hope for the 2025 Nebraska football season.

There is no better feeling than this. Anything is possible for the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Paper tigers hide behind every media day podium, talking big before a single snap. Lucky for you, I’m not just a talker. I am the RZB Profizer. I have put my finger into the wind of the college football jet stream and deciphered the signs as only a dyslexic could. These are not predictions. These are prophecies for your 2025 Nebraska Huskers.

Nebraska Football 2025 Schedule: Game-by-Game Predictions

Week 1: Nebraska vs. Cincinnati

A Thursday night game at what is normally called Arrowhead Stadium, but will be known as Memorial Stadium South on August 28th. It’s technically an away game, but it’ll have all the hospitality of a home invasion. We don’t have time for the Bearcats this year. Dana Holgorsen will unleash this Dylan Raiola-led attack and send "Kelce U" home with ease. HUSKERS WIN.

Week 2: Nebraska vs. Akron

Zip the hell out of here. No thunderstorm is going to save you this time. The only thunder you’ll experience is the sound of the Sea of Red in the home opener as our defense introduces your quarterback to the concept of object permanence. Take some Tylenol and keep your head up on the way back to Ohio. That game check isn’t free. HUSKERS WIN.

Week 3: Nebraska vs. Houston Christian

I Googled them to make sure they were a real school. They are. That’s all the analysis this matchup requires. HUSKERS WIN.

Week 4: Nebraska vs. Michigan

The Big Ten home opener. The Maize and Blue return to Lincoln, only this time, without a cheat sheet. Good Ole Nebraska U gets to welcome Bryce Underwood to the Big Ten, and you best believe the Blackshirts are going to make him earn every penny of that Portnoy paycheck. By the time they get back to Ann Arbor, they’ll be deleting game film faster than Sherrone Moore deleted Connor Stalions’ text messages. Baptism by fire for the Wolverines. BIG RED W.

Week 6: Nebraska vs. Michigan State

Fresh off a bye week and ready to capture the Michigan State Championship. The key is Aidan Chiles. Get to him early, get to him often. Visions of Shedeur Sanders’ soul leaving his body in Lincoln last year are flashing before my eyes. A slow start off a bye is always possible, but not for this Husker team. These Spartans will be heading back to East Lansing to commiserate with their big brother. HUSKERS WIN.

Week 7: Nebraska at Maryland

A 5-0 start is just what the doctor ordered before our first true road test. Mike Locksley is worried about NIL dividing his locker room; he should be worried about our revamped Husker offense dividing his defense atom by atom. The Terrapins will be too busy arguing about who’s getting paid what to notice Emmett Johnson and crew marching up and down the field. HUSKERS WIN.

Week 8: Nebraska at Minnesota

In a bizarre turn of events, PJ Fleck might like Matt Rhule as much as he likes to hear himself talk. He realized Nebraska is a sleeping giant. And he’s right to be scared. These Gophers better get their damn oars out, because they’re going to need to row their sorry-ass boats out of the Sea of Red tidal wave landing in Minneapolis. The beatdown will be biblical. SUCK-A-MAH-PLUMS. HUSKERS WIN.

Week 9: Nebraska vs. Northwestern

The battle of the NUs. For some God-forsaken reason, always a tightly contested game. But my visions tell me that Rhule and Co. went out and got the non-slip shoes for this one. We’re talking deck-hand-level boots. No slip-ups. No stubbed toes. Just a hammer down into the final quarter of the season. HUSKERS WIN.

Week 10: Nebraska vs. USC

Lincoln Riley comes to Lincoln. This is one that we let get away from us last year. They’ll be improved, and it’s a cause for concern. My crystal ball gets a little foggy here, clouded by the L.A. smog. I’m afraid this is our first stumble. No Trojan Horse in Lincoln, but a lesson learned. Huskers lose.

Week 11: Nebraska at UCLA

For the second straight year, the Huskers hit the dusty trail back west. UCLA whooped us in Lincoln last year. It’s time to return the favor. They’ll have their brand-new QB, Nico Iamaleava, at the helm. By the end of the day in Pasadena, Nico will be wondering why he took a pay cut for this ass-whooping. HUSKERS WIN.

Week 13: Nebraska at Penn State

Matt Rhule takes his new team home. A November night game in Happy Valley is about as welcoming as a tax audit. You could replace all the blood in my veins with pure, uncut Rhule-aid, and I’d still have a hard time seeing a win here. This is a true "if we die, we die" kind of game. Sometimes, you just run into a buzzsaw. Huskers lose.

Week 14: Nebraska vs. Iowa

Watching Iowa play football can make you physically ill. Their ability to weasel out a 9-6 win without any semblance of an offense should be studied by scientists. We’ve all seen the movie. Can the trend end on Black Friday in Lincoln? Doubt creeps in… but you have to be out of your damn mind to think I would ever pick the Hawkeyes to win shit. Say it with me, Kirky… FUCK THE HAWKEYES! GBR! HUSKERS WIN

Final 2025 Nebraska Football Season Prediction

By my dyslexic count, the spirits have shown me a 10-2 record for the Nebraska football team. Are my glasses rose-colored? Did I have to unbutton my pants due to the excitement? The answer to both is yes. But why not us? It’s Matt Rhule's Year Three, baby! We’ve got a coach who makes brick walls weep and a young, hungry offense ready to explode.